


Just that Lucky

by Hippiebuckyharrington



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: 5 +1 things, Bi Steve Harrington, Billy Hargrove's Freckles, Billy is a good brother, But then Susan takes care of it, FUCK SEASON 3, Fluff, Gay Billy Hargrove, Idiots in Love, Kinda, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Neil Hargrove can kiss my ass, Secret Admirer, Swearing, i do what i want with canon, no one can stop me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippiebuckyharrington/pseuds/Hippiebuckyharrington
Summary: Billy Hargrove has had plenty of secret admirers, but none that make him feel quite this happy. He has no idea who is writing to him, but he knows who he'd like it to be. But that's impossible right, he's not that lucky. Is he?Or, five times Billy had no idea who his secret admirer is and the one time he does.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 19
Kudos: 261
Collections: Harringrove Week of Love





	Just that Lucky

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all, this is my second fic for Harringrove week of love! I love secret admirer fics, so thought I'd try my hand at writing one. This idea has been knocking around my head for awhile, and I'm really happy with how it turned out.   
> Thanks for reading!!

5\. The first one is in his gym locker. 

Billy’s early to practice, his English teacher was on the verge of a mental breakdown because of how idiotic her students are and let them out early. He wrenches open his locker and blinks down at the piece of paper sitting on top of the slightly crusty pile of gym shorts at the bottom. He glances around, and then picks it up. It was lying there kinda haphazardly, like it had been shoved through the grate on the front. 

Billy unfolds it, feeling unsure. 

_Billy,_

_I like the way you chew on a pencil when you focus hard on your homework. Makes me look at your mouth, which then makes me think about your mouth on things that aren't a pencil. That got dirty quick didn't it? Yikes. But you're sitting there, out in public, reading fucking Pride and Prejudice, and chewing on your damn pencil, and I can't focus on anything else. Who let you be so handsome?! It's a crime._

_Well, not a crime. But still, I gotta finish this damn assignment, and tell me, how the hell am I supposed to do that with you looking like that? Fucking rude._

_Sorry if this is objectifying, my friend says I shouldn't objectify people, regardless of their gender. But you've got a great mouth, and I bet you're understanding every word of that damn novel. I read about two pages and gave up because I didn't understand a single damn word._

_I hope you smile at this; you deserve smiles._

_Love,  
One of what I'm sure are a 100 secret admirers._

Billy just gapes down at the messy handwriting scrawling over the half a page. It's weird and rambling, not quite written like a letter would normally be, but like whoever this is was just writing down literally everything they thought. 

Billy reads it again. He was reading Pride and Prejudice during lunch yesterday, sitting in the sunshine on the hood of Carol’s car, while she and Tommy made out in the back of the car. He had a quiz over parts of the book that afternoon. Tons of people had been in the parking lot, eating lunch or smoking and enjoying the sunshine and warmth that's so rare for this time of year in Hawkins. Tons of girls had grinned at him, and flirted as they passed, so it's absolutely impossible to know who wrote the letter. 

Billy hears Tommy yelling from out in the gym, and swears softly before shoving the note in his backpack, and changing quickly. He's sitting on the bench, tying his shoes when Harrington and Tommy walk in. 

"Yo Hargrove! What's up?" Tommy yells. Billy rolls his eyes. Harrington goes to his locker. 

"Hey." He says softly. 

"Hi." Billy answers, and hates the way his heart stutters a little. He apologized for beating Steve up, and now they are sort of friends, maybe? It's all confusing, because Billy has maybe just a bit of a crush on Steve. 

Billy ties his shoes and goes out to the gym to start warming up for practice. 

After practice, and chores and yelling, and all the joys that the Hargrove house offers as after school enrichment, when he's curled in bed, he rereads the note, and smiles a little. It's nice to know that someone thought of him like that. 

4\. The next one he finds taped to the underside of his desk. 

He's having a rough day, he had a rough morning, his back still aching from the bookcase he was shoved into, and he's just tired of everything. He drops into his seat, and drops his head to his desk, waiting for Mr. Peters to start the class. He's not really in the mood for math today. The rest of the class files in around him, getting out their homework, and chatting. Billy digs his out, and thinks it on the desk but it goes fluttering off the desk and under to the neighboring one. He sighs, and smiles a little when the girl next to him picks it up and hands it to him. 

"There's something under your desk." She says. Billy moves his feet but sees only cheap linoleum. "No, like taped under it." She says. Billy frowns and feels around, cringing away from the gum, until he finds the paper. He pulls it off, and frowns down at it. 

"Thanks." He says to the girl, who nods and goes back to finishing her homework. Billy glances at his name on the folded scrap, and then unfolds it. 

It's the same handwriting as the one form the other day, and Billy blinks a little in surprise. 

_Billy,_

_I walked by the gym the other day, and just about died. Your class was apparently lifting weights? I didn't even know we had a weight room! So, I guess I walked by the weight room and not the gym. Anyway, you were lying on the weight bench, pressing so much my mouth went dry. Holy shit. Your arms have no business looking that good. How much were you pressing there, babe? It looked like a lot. I bet it was a lot. God. It's unfair. How can you look so good all the time? How is it that you sweaty and grunting is such a turn on? Actually, I just read that and I get it now. That makes tons of sense. Never mind._

_You didn't see me watching, gaping like a fish. I'm glad of that, because that would have been super awkward._

_I realize that I'm objectifying you again, but it's not creepy. At least it's not supposed to be._

_I have nightmares, I can't sleep through the night, not for almost a year now. I won't bore you with the details, but watching those impressive arms of yours, I realized something. I realized that I'd feel really safe with you holding me in those muscly arms of yours. Bet I'd actually sleep through the night if you held me. Hell, even if you were in the bed with me, I bet I'd sleep just fine. I'm so tired, this doesn't make any sense. Sorry._

_I want to fall asleep in your arms, I want to feel safe again._

_Love,  
Probably your most depressing secret admirer._

Billy just stares down at this letter. His heart aches for whoever this is. He wonders how tall they are, would they fit well in his arms? He assumes they would, and wouldn't mind holding someone as they slept, helping them finally catch the rest they so obviously need. 

Billy tucks the letter in his notebook and tries to focus on the class. He had weights yesterday, so he wonders how long the note has been sitting there. And he wonders all through the lesson, if the writer got any more sleep last night. 

He wonders all through the rest of the day, glancing at all the girls to see who's looking especially tired today. He watches a fair amount of the guys too; girls are normally more flowery in their writing than this person is. And not that he's out or anything, but he's gay, so he hopes it's a guy. 

Billy heads to lunch, scowling out the windows. It's snowing, because of course it is. He's not watching where he's going so he collides with someone, and drops his bag and his lunch, papers and his sandwich scattering everywhere.

"Oh fuck. Sorry, sorry I'm sorry." Steve says and crouches to start gathering the papers. He's grateful the letter is tucked away in his pocket and not among the notes and homework scattered around the hall. 

"Relax, Harrington." Billy says, and bends to pick his things up too. He glances at Steve and then just stares. Steve looks exhausted, dark circles under his eyes, and tiredness tugging his mouth into a frown. 

"You ok?" Billy asks. Steve nods and shoves his papers back at him. 

"I wouldn't eat that sandwich. Can I buy you lunch?" Steve asks. Billy blinks. 

"You don't have to Harrington, really, it's ok." Billy says. Steve sighs, and digs in his pocket, handing Billy a five. 

"Just take it ok. Sorry to ruin your lunch." 

"Jesus Harrington. What's wrong?" Billy asks. 

"Nothing. I was up late last night." Steve says, and then walks away, hands shoved in his pockets and head down. Billy stares down the hall after him, wondering why Steve looks so rough. Maybe he and the rumor of the week had a fight. He remembers the letter, but dismisses the thought that it’s Steve, because Billy’s not that lucky.

Billy stare’s after the retreating man, and wishes, not for the first time, that he could pull Steve close and tell him everything will be ok.

3\. The third one Max actually hands him. 

He's waiting at the arcade for her and her friends to be done. He’s bored, so he's sitting in his car, working on his math homework and smoking. A car pulls in next to him, and he glances over, smiling a little when he recognizes Steve’s BMW. Steve leans over and puts down his passenger side window, and nods a little at Billy. 

"Hey." He says, and he looks better than he did last week, less exhausted. 

"Heya pretty boy." Billy teases. Steve grins a little, and flushes slightly. 

"Waiting for Max?" Steve asks. Billy nods, scribbling down an answer. 

"Here for Dustin?" Billy asks. 

"And Will and Mike, and Lucas, and probably El." Steve says, and grins a little. 

"Damn Harrington." 

"I offered." Steve says, with a shrug. "Hey, can I bum a cigarette?" Steve asks. Billy nods, grabs one out of his pack and stretches to hand it over, then holds out his Zippo. He glances up from the problem he was working on when Steve doesn't take it. Instead, Steve puts the cigarette between his lips, and leans over, raising an eyebrow. 

Billy blinks, and his mouth goes dry. He flips the Zippo open, and flicks it so the flame dances. His eyes are riveted to Steve's lips as they purse around the cigarette as he leans over to light it. They must look ridiculous, Billy leaning nearly all the way out of his car to reach, and Steve is leaning so far over the gearshift it's digging into his side. But Billy is enraptured with the flickering light playing on Steve’s face. Steve gets the cigarette lit and they both lean back into their seats. 

He takes a deep pull off the cigarette. 

"Thanks." He says, voice a little rough. Billy just nods, and turns back to his homework because he can't handle what just happened. It's quiet for a while, and then Billy reaches over and dumps the five dollars from the other day in Steve's window. 

"You didn't spend it?" Steve sounds surprised. Billy shrugs. "You should have, I ruined your lunch." Steve says. 

"I don't need it, I stole Carols fries, and Tommy had already bought me a burger." Billy says. The fries’ bit is true, the burger isn’t. But Steve hadn't been in the cafeteria so it didn't matter. 

"Oh. Well, I'm still sorry." Steve whispers. Billy laughs. 

"It's fine Harrington. Shit happens. I'm not mad. You act like I'm gonna hit you. I told you, October was a bad night for me, I'm really sorry for what happened, it won’t ever happen again." Billy says, frowning. 

"I don't think you're gonna hit me. I just feel bad." Steve says. Billy laughs. 

"Don’t, it's fine, really." Billy says, and finishes his homework, shoving it back in his backpack. 

They sit in silence for a moment, Steve finishing his cigarette, Billy trying not to stare too openly. The arcade bursts open and the kids come running out. The boys and El all pile into Steve's car, talking excitedly to him. Max slides into the front seat of the Camaro and hands Billy a folded piece of paper.

"It was under the wiper." She says. Billy glances at it, and opens it up. Max is leaning around him to yell at her friends and Steve, a conversation he tunes out. 

_Bills,_

_You had your arm around Carol today. You guys were walking in from the parking lot, I was standing inside waiting for my friend, and I saw you tuck her up against your side. I know better than anyone that she's dating Tommy, but it still made my heart ache. I want to be the one under your arm. I know it was cold, and she is a bitch about the cold, always has been, but I hated seeing her there. I want to be who you pull close walking in to the school. I want to feel the warmth and weight of your arm around my shoulders as we walk._

_But I'm not like Carol. In a lot of ways, but I'm also taller than you. So maybe I should say I want to tuck you under my arm._

_I'm not writing this to be mad or anything, I'm just a little jealous. Because I really like you, and I really care about you. But I don't think that you feel the same way, I don't think you long for me the way I long for you. And that's ok, baby, really it is._

_That's why I don't sign these letters, why I try to avoid you, because I want to be the one you love so bad, I'm afraid if you look at me for too long, you're gonna see it in my eyes. And that if you see it you'll hate me._

_But I like to think that when you read these, you can picture them coming from whatever girl has caught your eye, and that they make you a little happy._

_I just want to make you happy._

_Love,  
Your secret admirer that pines the most._

Billy actually aches reading the words, more than he has reading the others. Whoever wrote them was right, Carol had been bitching about the cold, and he'd jokingly pulled her close. He hadn't seen anyone watching them, but he hates that he caused them any sort of pain. That's never what he wants, contrary to what people think.

Billy folds the letter, tucks it in his pocket. He'll reread it again at home. It's what he does every night, rereads each letter, touching his fingers gently to the words, wondering at the person who wrote them. 

Billy glances over at Steve, the kids are still shouting at each other, not angry shouting, just having a yelled conversation. But Steve is staring at Billy. When Billy meets his eyes, he flushes inexplicably, and suddenly yells at the kids to get their seatbelts on. 

"Is that another one?" Max asks, watching Steve's car tear out of the parking lot. 

"Yeah." He says. Max knows, because they are close, and she found a note. She didn't read the one she found in his jacket pocket, but she asked. Billy had explained and they had spent nearly an hour trying to figure out who wrote the letters.

"Any idea who it is?" She asks. 

"Nope, not a clue." Billy says, and heads home. 

He gets in a fight with his dad later, and lies down on his bed, crying quietly, holding his ribs. 

Max creeps in after their parents go to bed, and offers an ice pack. She lies on his bed with him, head on his shoulder. She wordlessly hands him the little stack of letters, and closes her eyes and goes to sleep while he rereads them. They make him feel better, warm and lighter.

2\. The next letter somehow winds up in the pocket of his jeans.

He's not sure how. Well, that's not true. It had to have happened during basketball practice, that was the only time all day he was out of his jeans. But he didn't find it until it fluttered out of his pocket that night. 

He squashes the little flicker of hope he gets when he realizes it was placed during basketball practice, because there were no girls around at practice. Which means two things. The most likely is that one of the guys planted it for the girl who is writing, and that the first one he found in the locker room was planted by the same friend or she snuck in. 

The option Billy hopes for, quietly and to himself, is that some guy on the team is the secret admirer. He hopes its Steve. He knows that it’s not, he knows that. But God, Billy wants it to be, so so badly. 

He picks this note up, and is unfolding it when the phone rings. He leaps up and answers it, before his dad can yell. 

"Hello?" He says. 

"Oh wow. Didn't think you'd answer. I prepared a whole speech if someone who wasn't you answered and I had to ask for you." Steve is rambling. Billy can't believe it. Steve is calling him? Him?!

"Harrington?" He asks. 

"Yeah. Hi." Steve says breathlessly. 

"Who's on the phone?" Neil barks from around the corner to the living room., pausing his argument with Susan, to yell at Billy.

"A friend, we have a school project, I told him not to call after 5." Billy says quickly. 

"Him?!" Neil cries. Billy winces, and is glad Neil can't see him. 

"Yeah, uh the teacher paired us; our last names are next to each other in the alphabet. I didn't get to pick. And he's dating Nancy Wheeler." Billy calls. 

"No, I'm not." Steve says, sounding confused. Billy closes his eyes. 

"Oh, well he's not allowed over here. And you have fifteen minutes. This can be done during school hours." Neil snaps, and then goes back to the argument.

"Yes sir." Billy calls and then turns away from the living room. 

"Why are you calling?" Billy snaps, low and nervous. 

"Um… I just wanted to talk." Steve says. Billy frowns. 

"You want to what? Harrington, we don't do this. You can't call here." Billy snaps. 

"Well, I just… I thought…." Steve stutters. Billy sighs. 

"Out with it. Why did you actually call?" Billy asks, softly. Neil doesn't get mad at the soft voice, because he hates being disrupted, he prefers Billy silent or whispering. 

"Uh, Jonathan, Nancy and I are all going to drive over to Roan tomorrow and go to their movie theater and then grab pizza. Do... Do you want to come?" Billy blinks. Blinks again. And still can't believe what he heard. 

"Like a date?" He whispers, and worries Steve doesn't hear him.

"No, God no. Ha-ha, I just don't want to third wheel with them. And we are friends, right? So, I thought we could spend some time together outside of basketball or class. Sorry, this was stupid. Sorry." Steve whispers. 

"No… uh… I'll come." Billy says. 

"Really?!" 

"Yes. But I really have to go now." Billy says, and then hangs up. He takes a deep breath and goes into his room, and waits a few minutes. 

He takes another deep breath and goes out to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. He stops in the living room. Neil and Susan are glaring at each other, Susan looking tired.

"Excuse me." He says. Susan immediately straightens and turns to look at him, smiling. Neil scowls, and glares at him. 

"Uh, I have a date tomorrow, is it ok if I go?" He asks. Susan grins. 

"Of course, Billy, tomorrow's Friday, go have fun. I'll pick Max up from school" She says. 

"Who's the date with?" Neil demands. 

"Heather Holloway, we are going to go bowling and then to dinner after school. And then maybe to her parents’ house, they want me to come to game night." Billy lies smoothly. Heather is cool and if he tells her tomorrow, she'll cover for him. 

"Curfew is at 11." Is all Neil says. Billy nods and then goes to his room and quietly shuts the door, wincing when the argument in the living room picks up again.

The note is still sitting on his bed. He sits down and unfolds it, smiling a little.

_Bills,_

_I am currently third wheeling with my friends right now. We are at my place, watching a movie. They are curled together under a blanket (don't be gross nothing is happening aside from cuddles). But they look so content, I think she's gonna fall asleep on him. I wish you were here._

_I wish we were curled under a blanket. I want your head on my chest, I want to comb my fingers through your curls. Are they as soft as they look? I'm sure they are._

_I want to hear your sarcastic comments, I want to hear what you'd say to this movie. I want to lean down and kiss you the way my friends just did. I want to hold you close, and just enjoy being with you._

_I want to tuck my nose in your curls and just breathe you in. I want to hold you, and ease the tension I can see in your shoulders, and the hurt behind your eyes. I hate that you hurt. I hate that someone makes you ache like that. You should never hurt. Never._

_I have a confession. I saw you get one of these letters. I won't say which one. But I saw you get one, and the way you smiled at it. The way you read it, with such reverence. I've never seen your walls come down like that. I've never seen you look like that until you were reading my note, reading my words._

_And Bills, it filled me with such an ache, an ache to see you smile like that, actually at me, not at my notes. I want you to smile like that while looking in my eyes._

_I want to say sweet things to you, to your face. I can just picture it._

_Lying in bed with you, after we are together you know? Whispering sweet things, telling you nice wonderful things that you should hear all the time, and watching you smile like that. But this time, it’s all for me and only me. I want to be the only one who gets the real you, baby. I want the real you, and I want to hold you, always._

_I just want to love you, so so bad. I mean actually love you, not this pining bullshit._

_Love,  
The Secret Admirer who makes you smile like that_

Billy cries over the note, pressing it to his heart and letting the ache of longing both his own, and the one contained on the page, wash over him. He’s a little embarrassed at the tears, but the words resonate with him.

1\. The fifth letter he finds right before hanging out with Steve. 

Heather is the best, and readily agrees to cover for him, without even asking why.

Billy is distracted all day thinking about the plans with Steve after school. He can hardly focus, and smokes nearly his whole pack of cigarettes he's so nervous. 

When school finally ends, he takes a fortifying breath and treks to the parking lot. Jonathan, Nancy and Steve are leaning against Steve's Beemer, and Billy nods at them, before dumping some books in his car. He dawdled enough that Susan has already come and gone with Max, so there are no worries she will see him. 

There's another note sitting on the windshield under the wiper again. He grabs it and then walks toward the others. 

"This is weird right?" Billy says when he walks up. 

"No. Steve wanted to invite you so you're coming. It's not weird. You know all the same shit we do, it's about time we all hung out." Nancy says. She means the upside down, which Billy found out about after beating Steve up. Max gave him only enough sedative to knock him out for maybe an hour. He woke up and found the thing in the freezer, and stuck around needing to know what the hell was going on. Max told him. And that was that. 

"Weird logic there Wheeler, but alright." He says. 

"Jon and Nance are gonna take their car, you ok to ride with me?" Steve asks. Billy shrugs. 

"Great, none of us have big enough cars to fit everyone comfortably. Steve, you'll follow us?" Nancy says. Steve nods and the other two head across the parking lot to their car. Billy climbs into Steve's car and shifts around nervously. 

"What's that?" Steve asks, following Jonathan’s car out of the lot. He means the note clutched in Billy's fist. 

"Nothing." Billy says, and pockets the note. Steve shrugs and they drive on in silence. 

"Do you know what you're doing for the summer?" Steve asks. Billy shrugs. 

"I might try and lifeguard. I've got a certification from Cali that still works here, so I think I can get hired." Billy mutters. "You?" 

"Don't know. Work probably. Go up to the lake with Robin probably." Steve says. 

"Robin? That your new girlfriend?" Billy asks. 

Steve laughs, "No. She's just a good friend of mine." Steve says. Billy nods. 

They lapse into silence. It's only about a 30-minute drive between Hawkins and Roan, and Billy sees a couple cars on the highway around them from Hawkins High. It's a popular Friday night destination apparently. Billy can't stop thinking about the note in his pocket. He can't decide what he wants. 

On the one hand, existing in an enclosed space near Steve is intoxicating, and he doesn't want to miss it. On the other, the notes from this secret admirer have meant so much to him, and he can't believe he's only gotten five in total. They've started taking up that much space in his life. He also doesn't want Steve to know, to see how much Billy needs this note, even though Steve sort of already saw the other day, this feels different. 

"Sorry." Steve says. "I'm sorry this is awkward." 

"You apologize too much pretty boy. Are you that afraid of me?" Billy asks. 

"No, I'm not afraid of you! Why would you say that?!" Steve says. 

"You apologize like you think I'm gonna beat you up again or something. I swear, I'm not. I don’t know why you don’t believe me." Billy mumbles. 

"No, I believe you! I don't think about that anymore. It's just a bad habit. My parents act like I can never do anything right, and they expect an apology for everything, just a habit. Sorry." Steve says, and then blushes a little. 

"Oh. Well you don't have to apologize to me, ok? I'm not mad at you, ever. Except when you missed that shot yesterday." Billy teases.

"Ok, first of all fuck you! Second of all, that was not my fault!" Steve shrieks. 

"Oh really?!" Billy says. Steve huffs indignantly and launches into a tirade on why the missed shot in yesterday's practice was not his fault. Billy argues back good naturedly and the car ride passes quickly. 

They pull up to a spot next to Jonathan and Nancy at the theater and argue for a few more minutes before Steve huffs and leaves the car. Billy grins and follows. 

"What were you two arguing about?" Nancy asks, looking concerned. 

"Basketball." They say at the same time and then grin at each other. 

They catch some horror movie that Billy has never heard of, and Steve buys some popcorn for the two of them to share. 

It feels like a date. 

It feels like a date when Steve sits next to Nancy and yanks Billy into the seat next to him. It feels like a date when Steve parks the popcorn bucket in Billy's lap, and then grabs fistfuls of it. It feels like a date when a jump scare has the whole theater jumping and with a gentle gasp, Steve grabs Billy's arm. It feels like a date when someone is getting mauled on screen and Steve turns toward Billy and kinda curls toward him. It feels like a date when Steve hides his face in Billy's shoulder while the villain is creeping through the creepy house.

"Is it over?" Steve whispers. Billy turns his head and leans into that fluffy hair. 

"Not yet pretty boy, give it a second." He murmurs back. 

It feels like a date when Steve nods, and sighs a little against Billy. 

Billy can hardly focus on the movie, so much so that he has no idea what little plot there is, and he isn't jumping and gasping with everyone else. He's so attuned to the boy beside him. To Steve's grip on his arm, that hurts, but not in a bad way, to Steve’s head on his shoulder, and his gentle breathes on Billy’s arm. Steve turns his head a little and peaks at the screen when the ominous music stops. 

"Jesus fuck!" Steve whispers when the masked villain is suddenly popping on screen. Billy laughs a little. 

Steve doesn't move his head from Billy's shoulder the whole movie, his grip on Billy's forearm never changing. 

After the movie ends, the villain apprehended, the perky blonde and the jock alive and well, the four of them leave. Steve just simply let’s go of Billy and gets up following Nancy and Jonathan out into the now dark parking lot. Nancy and Steve talking about the finer points of the movie, debating things as they go. Jonathan watches on, and Billy just gapes at them. 

"Don't you think Billy?" Nancy calls suddenly. Billy had paused to shake a cigarette out of the pack he keeps in his jean jacket, and lights up. 

"Do I think what?" Billy mumbles around the cigarette. 

Nancy launches into some long-winded explanation about the movie, and then looks expectantly at him.

"Damn, Wheeler. I really wasn't paying that much attention." Billy mumbles, taking a long pull of his cigarette. 

"Ugh." She huffs and then turns to Steve who apparently agrees. 

"They do this often?" Billy asks Jonathan, who is standing by him. 

"Yeah every time we got to the movies." Jonathan says, and shrugs a little. "Can I bum a smoke?" He asks. Billy raises an eyebrow. 

"You smoke?" Billy says, but he digs out his pack and lighter. 

"Only sometimes. Thanks." Jonathan says and lights up. Billy nods, does the same, and leans against the Beemer with Jon while Nancy and Steve argue. Billy and Jon smoke in silence, just watching. 

"Nance, babe, I'm hungry." Jonathan says, flicking his cigarette butt away a while later. Billy chuckles.

"Oh, right! Sorry! Pizza!" She says. Steve grins and they pile back into the cars. 

"Sorry, Nancy and I can really get going." Steve says, as he starts the car. Billy laughs a little. 

"I don't mind. Quit apologizing." Billy teases.   
"Alright. Thanks for coming." Steve says, merging into traffic. 

"You just invited me for my muscles during the scary parts of the movies." Billy teases. He really is just teasing but Steve blushes a little. 

"No, I invited you because I want to be friends, like actual friends, and I'm sick of always just hanging out with Nance and Jon, that's a little much sometimes." Steve mutters. 

"Wow, you've fought monsters that shouldn't exist but third wheeling with your ex and her boyfriend is too much?" Billy teases. Steve laughs. 

"Exactly." Steve says, and Billy chuckles.

The pizza place is packed in the way that the best restaurant in small towns always are. They squeeze into a booth in the corner, Nancy and Jonathan on one side, Steve and Billy on the other.   
They order cokes and the greasiest pizza Billy has ever seen. But it's delicious, and they talk and laugh all through the meal.

Billy doesn't feel like an outsider like he kind of expected to, Nancy cracks up at his story about the time his math teacher had nearly quit after their last test because everyone but Billy had gotten it all wrong. (Billy omits that part; nobody expects him to be as smart as he is and he hates explaining.)

It’s nice. Billy's not sure he's ever hung out like this, he has friends of course, and he had a huge group of people he hung out with back in California. But nothing like this, nothing without pressure, and it's really nice. 

Jonathan and Steve get up, mumbling something about the best cheesecake ever. Nancy yawns and watches some of the other people in the restaurant. There’s a lull, so Billy pulls the note out of his pocket, and unfolds it. Nancy pillows her head in her hands and ignores him. It's not rude, they are just a little tired, she apparently was up all night last night studying for an exam this morning. 

_Bills,_

_I hope you don't mind that nickname by the way. You've got a nickname for me, and I felt like I should have one for you._

_Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm creepy. All of these letters I feel like I've said how I've watched you without you being aware of it. It's not meant to be creepy, I just like looking at you. Partly because you're just so gorgeous, I can't believe it. I love it, you have such good hair, and all those muscles, and don't get me started on your eyes._

_But I also just feel better when I look at you. My stress and my worry feel better when I see you.  
And this morning, I watched you laugh with Max. You two got here early and you were helping her on her skateboard, before too many other people showed up. I couldn't sleep again and got to school early too. _

_You don't want anyone to know, but you're actually an amazing brother. Don't worry, I won't tell. It just makes you better, baby. You really care about her, I can tell and I bet she feels the same. I can't say too much, because if I say more on this next sentence, I worry it will give away too much. But, watching the two of you, made me think you'd fit in my life pretty damn great._

_I can't say more, I'm sorry baby. I really want you to know who I am, but I'm afraid you'll hate me if you find out._

_I just want you to be with me and my friends. Have you ever felt like that Bills? Like you've stared at someone and wanted to have them over for game night with all of the other most important people in your life? You'd fit in with them I think, and I'd certainly have more fun with you there. At game night at my house I bet we could cuddle on the couch while everyone played. Wouldn't that be nice? I really just want to always be touching you, regardless of what we're doing. Not in a dirty way (not always at least), but in a we love each other kind of way. Does that make sense?_

_I just want to love you Billy Hargrove. I want to know everything about you, and I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you, hug you, have sex with you. I want to cuddle you, cause even tough guys like you need to be held, and I want to treat you right._

_I'd be so good for you, I'm not even trying to be cocky. We would be great together, and I can't ever tell you because I don't think you'd ever look at me the way I want. This is better. And Hawkins is a backwards small town, so it's just better this way._

_Love,  
Someone who really hopes they're your only secret admirer_

It's the longest letter he's gotten. And it doesn't make him ache any less than the other have, but it makes him smile too. 

"Note from someone special?" Nancy asks. Billy jolts and gently folds it back up. "Don't worry, I didn't read it. But your face reading it tells me that it's someone special." She mutters. 

"Who's special?" Steve asks, sitting down and sliding a piece of cheesecake at Billy. 

"Billy's got a note from someone special." Nancy says, sitting up so Jonathan can scoot her own piece toward her. A strange look flashes across Steve's face. "Oh? Who is it?" Steve asks. 

"I don't know. It's from a secret admirer." Billy mutters. 

"Wow. That's so sweet. Who do you think it is?" Nancy asks. 

"I don't know. I haven't gotten very many of the letters." He says, still not quite believing this is only his fifth.

"The handwriting looked familiar, if you want me to look at it I can and see who I think it is." Nancy offers. Steve's fork goes clattering to the ground, and he chokes on the cheesecake.

"No, that's ok. There is some really personal stuff in these letters, I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, whoever they are." Billy says. Nancy shrugs and moves on. Steve stays quiet. 

They settle the bill and head out to the cars. Nancy and Jon are going to go hit the record store, so Steve and Billy head back alone. It’s quiet for a while.

"You really have no idea what girl is writing you the notes?" Steve asks a few minutes later. Billy glances at him in the dark. 

"Uh no, but I don't think it's a girl." Billy mutters. 

"Really? You don't sound mad…" Steve hedges. Billy shoots him another look. 

"Well, no. Why would I be mad?" 

"Because it's a guy writing you love letters? Right? If it’s not a girl than it’s a guy." Steve mumbles. 

"I'd rather it be a guy than a girl." Billy says, confused. Max is many things, but she can't keep her mouth shut, and she's with Steve a lot. She must have told her friends about Billy. She’s known for years he’s gay.

"What?" Steve says. 

"Harrington, come on. Catch on already, damn." Billy mutters. It takes Steve a beat. 

"Oh… oh. I thought Max was lying." 

"I knew she told you." Billy sighs. "Look, I'm not ashamed, but the person writing me is, so please don't tell anyone." 

"I'm not gonna, don't worry. I wouldn’t do that.” He pauses for a minute. “You don't even know who's writing you, why are you protecting them?" Steve asks. 

"Because they are putting themselves out there, and their words have meant a lot to me. I get that they can't be out, and I've been outed before, it's not anything I would want for them." Billy mutters. Steve appears to mull that over for a little while. 

"You're a better person than you let on." Steve finally says. 

"Tell anyone and you're dead." Billy snarks back. Steve laughs, and the tension in the car finally breaks. 

They talk about the kids, and their annoying teachers for the rest of the drive. When Steve drops Billy off at the Camaro, there’s a weird almost hesitation, where Steve kind of leans toward Billy, and Billy sort of leans in, and then Steve loudly says, "Have a good weekend!!" And all but plasters himself against his door. Billy nods and climbs out of the car. 

When he gets home, Susan is sitting on the couch smoking. 

“Susan?” Billy says, surprised that she’s still up. It’s not late exactly, but she and Neil go to bed at 10 most nights. 

“Billy. Sit for a minute, would you?” She asks. Billy frowns and glances around for Neil, but he’s nowhere around. 

“Everything ok?” Billy asks. 

“Yes. I kicked you father out.” Susan says, and takes a long pull off her cigarette. Billy blinks at her in stunned silence. “I couldn’t take the way he talked to you, and to Max and to me. I’m done with him. You don’t have to stay here, but I’m not going to kick you out.” 

“Wow.” Billy breathes. Susan offers him a small smile. 

“I’m sorry, you’ve had so much upheaval in your life, but you don’t have to leave and go with him. No matter what he says. You can stay here, Max adores you and I know I’m not your mom but…” Susan trails off, and blows out a long breath. 

“I’ll stay. I don’t want to go anywhere with that asshole.” Billy says, and Susan grins. She sends him off to his room, and sits in the living room, smoking for a long time. 

He rereads all the letters before he falls asleep that night and then thinks about the way Steve had grabbed his arm in the movie, and how close he had sat. For the first time in a long time, Billy goes to sleep with a grin on his face. 

+1. They all start hanging out after that. Nancy catches his arm in the hall way at lunch on Monday and tows him to their lunch table, where she all but shoves him into a chair. She demands he read over her lit essay because Steve and Jonathan are useless. Billy feels a little shell shocked, but he reads her essay, offers her some notes and then ends up eating with them. After that, one of them always seems to find him at lunch to drag him with them, and eventually he stops fighting it. He even tells them about his dad leaving, and they all seem happy for him. 

There’s the added bonus of Steve always looking thrilled to see him so he just rolls with it. 

Tommy and Carol look offended, but eventually they get over it, he still goes to parties with them so they relax. 

The letters mysteriously stop, and for three weeks he doesn't get another one. Billy tries not to be disappointed, but it's hard. 

"You look serious today Billy." Steve comments as he slides into his spot at the lunch table. Billy glances away from where he was watching the rest of the cafeteria, wondering if his secret admirer is out there somewhere. 

"Yeah, just thinking." Billy mutters. 

"You ok?" Steve asks. Billy nods, and goes back to people watching. 

"Looking for someone?" Steve asks, poking at his mashed potatoes.

"You ask a lot of questions." Billy teases.

"Just curious." Steve shrugs. 

"My secret admirer hasn't written in a while, if you're gonna be nosy." Billy says, and rolls his eyes, turning to pull his math homework out when he sees Jonathan and Nancy leave the lunch line. He and Jonathan have the same math teacher, but at different periods, so they compare homework a lot.

"Oh. You sound bummed." Steve points out. 

"I am. I liked the letters. Made me feel… I don't know. Important, I guess? Forget it. It's stupid." Billy glances at Steve. "Quit grinning like an idiot Harrington, I can be honest sometimes." Billy snaps. 

Steve just keeps grinning. Billy rolls his eyes, but the shame and embarrassment he was expecting over being that open and honest doesn't come. He and Steve are good friends now, same with Jonathan and Nancy. 

He even got stoned with Jon at a party last week, which had been weird but good. 

It's weird having friends like this. He's not sure he minds though, he likes them, even if he'll never admit it. 

He and Jonathan work on their homework through lunch, and Steve and Nancy talk about some annoying thing Mike and Dustin did. 

Jonathan joins in with a story about Will, and Billy finds himself contributing with stories about Max.   
After lunch, they all disperse to class. Billy goes to math and finds that he and Jonathan did all their homework right.

He and Steve nod at each other as they pass in the hall between classes and he watches as Steve goes up to Robin Buckley and starts chatting with her, handing her something that makes her laugh at him and makes him blush. Billy frowns, wondering why. The rest of his classes pass quickly, and when he gets to the last one, he's surprised to find a note on his desk. 

He tries not to appear too eager, but he unfolds it quickly. 

_Bills,_

_I saw you looking at lunch today. I was sitting off to the side of where you were looking, so I got to see your profile. You're beautiful. It takes my breath away sometimes. Looking at you, sitting by those big windows, you looked so good. Have you done something different with your curls? They looked great today, so soft. And your eyes, you looked at me for just a second before you looked away, and I swear I drowned in your eyes. The light hit them just right, thank god it was sunny today, and they kind of sparkled. I could stare at them all the time._

_I just realized today, when you looked at me, that you have freckles. FRECKLES Billy are you kidding me? How the hell is a man supposed to function with you looking like that?! I bet they are even darker in the summer time. I don't know how I've lived not knowing you had freckles, I'm in love with them. I want to kiss every one, I want to count them, I want to memorize them._

_And then to find that these letters make you feel important?! Baby, you're killing me today. I'm sorry I didn't write recently, I've been kinda distracted. I'll write you thousands of letters though, because you deserve to feel important. And it's not stupid to feel that way, you deserve to be fucking cherished baby. And I intend to do that, even if it's in the form of letters, and even if you never know who I am, I'm gonna fucking cherish you Billy Hargrove._

_You and those damn freckles. Jesus Christ. They kill me. You kill me, but what a wonderful way to go, death by a beautiful boy and his god damn freckles. Holy shit._

_I can't even focus on class, I keep thinking about your damn eyes, and hair, and fucking freckles. Who knew, freckles would kill me so much._

_Love,  
The best secret admirer there ever was ___

__Billy has to read the letter four times, because he can't believe it. He was only sitting close enough to one person to see his freckles, they fade to barely there in the winter, you have to catch him in the right light and be close to see them. And only one person was. He also sits in a quieter corner of the lunchroom, and no one else was near enough to hear what he said about the letters, except of course the person he said them to._ _

__Billy can't believe it, and happiness bubbles in his chest. He tries to tamp it down, it could not be who he wants, and Billy is never this lucky. He's never lucky to have his crush actually be the one crushing on him, is he?_ _

__He can't ignore it though. Unless Steve told someone what he said, but that's not how the letters read. They read exactly like someone who stared at him from across the table all through lunch and then ran to their next class and scribbled down the note. And that screams Steve Harrington._ _

__It's got to be him._ _

__Then there's the other clue: Robin Buckley sitting next to him, sneaking looks at Billy, while managing to look bored to tears._ _

__Suddenly what Billy saw Steve give her makes a lot more sense._ _

__"Buckley." Billy leans over and hisses._ _

__"What?" She snaps, eyeing the clock pointedly. Class ends in five minutes, but Billy can't wait that long._ _

__"What does Steve have after school today?" Billy demands. They start packing up their stuff and Robin shoots him a look._ _

__"What's it to you?" She demands. Billy holds up the note and raises an eyebrow. Robin sighs in relief._ _

__"Thank god you figured it out. Fucking finally. I'm sick of his pining. Be nice when you reject him ok? He's got nothing after school, he'll be at home." Robin says. The bell rings and Billy fly out of his seat._ _

__"Who says I'm rejecting him?" Billy says, and then books it to his car. Steve is already gone, but that's fine._ _

__"Max!" Billy yells, when he sees her fiery hair. She comes running up._ _

__"Can you get a ride now? Or skate home? I have to do something." Billy says. Max raises an eyebrow._ _

__"Yeah? I'm going to Will's for DnD remember, you're picking me up before dinner?" Max says, and Billy laughs a little._ _

__"Right, right ok. Great. I found out who's writing me the letters." Billy says. Max grins._ _

__"Really? Who?!" She demands._ _

__"It's Steve. I have to go, but I'll be at the Byers in time." He says. Max laughs and nods, before running back to her friends. Billy practically leaps into his car and takes off toward Loch Nora._ _

__He roars up to Steve's house and throws the car in park so fast it actually jolts._ _

__"Sorry baby!" Billy tells the car, and then he's running up to Steve's front door. He pounds on it, heart in his throat._ _

__"What the hell do you want…Billy?" Steve says, looking confused. He takes in Billy's panting, his probably wild eyes and he pales a little, instantly looking around. "Are you ok? What's going on? Are you hurt?" Steve asks. Billy smiles fondly._ _

__"Can I come in?" He asks. Steve nods, standing aside._ _

__"Of course. Are you ok? Billy?" He asks, following Billy into the living room. Billy turns and just looks at Steve. He reaches in his pocket and pulls out the letter._ _

__"Is it you?" Billy asks. Steve pales even further, and then goes beet red from the neck of his polo to his hairline._ _

__"Fuck." He mutters._ _

__"Oh my god. It is you." Billy breathes, elation swelling in his chest. It's Steve, he apparently can be that lucky._ _

__"Ok, before you yell at me, you were never supposed to find out. I started writing letters to you and Robin said I should send them because if I left it anonymous and you never caught me delivering them, I could like work through my pining. So, I did, and then you liked them, and I kept sending them, but I never planned to tell you, because I didn't think you'd want it to be me you know?" Steve flails his arms, and starts pacing a little, the words leaving him in a rush._ _

__"And like I totally meant all of it, every word, but I get that it's weird, and you said you're gay but it's probably different now that it's me, and like some guys don't like to be with people who are bi, which I totally get. You weren’t supposed to find out, I'm not sure how you did, but you're like super smart so I guess I should have seen this coming. And then we started getting closer you know? And then it was kinda too late, and I don't know how to work with this. I'm talking so much, Jesus Christ." Steve says, and pushes his hands into his hair. Billy cracks up then, full on belly laughs._ _

__"Why are you laughing?" Steve asks, looking adorably confused. Billy walks over to him, and grins._ _

__"First, I'm not gonna yell." Billy says._ _

__"You aren't? Because you totally can, I was being creepy, and I broke into your gym locker., and-" Steve starts again. Billy chuckles._ _

__"Easy pretty boy. I'm not mad. I'm not gonna yell at you. And I found out because your last letter was super obvious it was you. No one else was around when I told you the letters made me feel important, and no one was sitting close enough to see my freckles. Are they that distracting that you forgot to hide who you are?" Billy teases. Steve flushes again, and glances at Billy's nose before looking at his feet._ _

__"I never noticed them before. Fucking freckles and I ruin everything. They are too cute, just lil freckles. Fuckin rude." Steve mutters, like he doesn't want Billy to hear. Billy laughs._ _

__"Stevie, look at me." Billy whispers, and Steve does, though probably because Billy has never called him Stevie before._ _

__"I'm sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you. I can't imagine you wanted it to be me." Steve whispers, looking sad._ _

__"Pretty boy, the only way I would have been sad is if it wasn't you writing me." Billy says, and loves that he's close enough to see the words sink in. Steve's eyes widen, and his jaw drops._ _

__"You… you wanted it to be me?" Steve whispers. Billy steps closer, until their chests almost brush as they breathe._ _

__"Yeah, Stevie, I did." Billy says, and reaches up to brush some hair away from Steve's face._ _

__"Wait. If you wanted it to be me, and you aren't mad then that means…." Steve trails off, and Billy smiles at him. "Holy shit, you like me back?!" Steve says, too loud for how close they are standing, but Billy doesn't mind._ _

__"Yep." Billy says._ _

__"Holy shit. Can I kiss you?" Steve whispers. Billy grins, and wraps his arms around Steve's neck pulling him in. It's a gentle kiss at first, that quickly deepens. Steve tentatively works his hand into Billy's curls, and at Billy's hum of agreement, grips them tight. Billy licks into Steve's mouth eagerly when Steve opens his lips a little, Billy's arms griping Steve tight to keep him close._ _

__"Wow." Steve says, pulling back to pant against Billy's lips. Billy chuckles, low and wrecked._ _

__"I love you too, pretty boy. I've reread all of your letters so many times." Billy whispers, and Steve pulls him close, burying his face in Billy's neck._ _

__"I can't believe this is happening." Steve says. Billy laughs._ _

__"Me neither. I was hoping it was you, every time I read one. Remember the one saying you liked being a mystery so I could picture whoever I wanted writing me?" Steve nods against his neck. "I always pictured you. And I don’t care that you’re bi, just as long as you like me." Steve makes a small whining noise at that and pulls Billy closer. Billy smiles, and breathes in Steve's scent. Sweet and spicy and uniquely Steve, and Billy adores it._ _

__"I believe I was promised cuddles and sweet things whispered in my ear." Billy mutters. Steve laughs, and pulls back to brush his fingers through Billy's hair._ _

__"Tell me something first." Steve whispers._ _

__"What's up Stevie?" Billy asks._ _

__"You're really glad it's me? You're not disappointed?" Steve asks, and Billy can see in those earnest brown eyes how worried he actually is._ _

__Billy yanks him in for another kiss, and pushes his hands into Steve's hair. Steve responds eagerly and tightens his grip on Billy._ _

__"Yes, baby, I'm very glad it's you. I love you Steve Harrington, just try getting rid of me now." Billy teases. "I need some cherishing." He means it as a joke, but Steve's eyes soften and go a little liquid._ _

__"Hell yeah you do, and I intend to do a damn good job. I love you too." Steve whispers. Billy grins up at him._ _

__Steve tugs them upstairs, they tug off their shoes and curl up on the bed. Steve pulls Billy into his arms, and dots kisses over his freckles._ _

__"Steve Harrington, done in and giving up the secret by a couple freckles." Billy murmurs softly. Steve laughs._ _

__"Steve Harrington done in by Billy Hargrove, who apparently has freckles." Steve corrects. Billy laughs, and snuggles closer._ _

__"You still have to write me letters." Billy huffs. Steve laughs and catches Billy in another kiss._ _

__"I can do that." Steve says, and Billy sighs happily. He falls asleep in Steve's arms, while Steve holds him and counts his freckles._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr [here!](hippiebuckyharrington.tumblr.com)


End file.
